It's August. The summer is winding down, and with the end of the summer comes uncertainty. Cody will be starting another year with Americorps, Jake is applying for a house on Lake Tapps, and I am trying to get things in order for going back to school starting September. And I am so afraid of things not working out. There's just no way that three different schedules are going to work for appointments, at home watch, and on top of all that, cooking, cleaning, and keeping up normal daily lives. We've tried to slowly mention the possibility of hiring someone to lessen the load a bit, such as a caretaker "type". But try telling a Fouts (even worse a Fouts male) that they are in need of extra help.
I missed an appointment. First one all summer. It was a therapy session. The one and only appointment I would've gained anything from and I missed it. And it's not life or death, and it's not even that big of a deal, but it ate at me. For months I prided myself in being able to keep things together. Keep things going, keeping the days full... it's that the last couple weeks I just needed time to get away. And instead of it being a mind clearing, self emptying experience I was slapped in the face with irresponsibility. And the realization that I think I may have given all that I can give.
Brain Cancer patients (depending on their amount of surgeries and the intensity of their treatments) tend to lack everyday filters we use to express humor, observation, and everyday conversation. They tend to sound more senile, become more outspoken and blunt. Often times their humor can come off crude, abrasive, and offensive. And usually they don't know they're doing it. It takes a lot to just let things roll off your skin and tell yourself daily, "He doesn't mean it like that", "He's just joking". But after awhile it wears on you and you just kinda wish it'd stop. And the more you address an issue the more confused they get. Especially because in my family sarcasm and teasing are given as often as daily vitamins. And there are times I wonder if I'm being overly sensitive. I try to evaluate how tired I am and decide if maybe I just blew it out of proportion.. but needless to say... even at 21 you still wish you could get a little cradled from your parents at times.
I think, as I stated earlier, that the three of us maybe have given as much as we can while still being in the "child" position. I think it will take a lot for my dad to realize, as three adults, we just want to see him cared for in the best way possible.  And that may include bringing another person into the mix.
Next week the four of us are making our way to Omak, Washington for the stampede. Stories and pictures will of course follow. If anyone has experience with a similar situation please share your stories and advice. I would love feedback on this one.